so for the 2nd half of the day, like i said, i was w/ the rehab patients. they had this summer camp house-looking place kind of like what you see on dr drew’s celebrity rehab but a lil less schmancy.

we were literally supposed to talk for 3 hrs to 1 person. i only did about 2

but the convo was very interesting and slightly disturbing..

he was addicted to both drugs and alcohol. he also had been diagnosed w/ schizophrenia. most of our convo had to do w/ the one voice he had been hearing for the past few decades. we discussed their relationship (it was a woman) and how it interfered with his relationship w/ his gf and what kind of things she would say or influence him to do and if he had ever seen her and if he believes she’s real or not and how she keeps certain things from him that could help him etc etc

but let me tell you about how i was feeling..i started off very curious and then i just got a lil uneasy mainly because i felt like it was difficult for me not talk about the voice as if she were real. also because according to him the voice was a part of our convo (Every now and then she would chime in). even after i went home and was telling my roommate i felt as if she could hear me! that freaked me out

a very thin line…and i didn’t know where to draw it..maybe because i wanted him to keep talking..also because i didn’t know his triggers so while ihave great therapeutic communication skills, i felt like i couldn’t use them all the same way i would  for a patient in any other setting because obviously there were some sensitive (and unknown) issues involved

also about halfway through the convo i discovered our entire conversation could’ve been a lie. he said something that didn’t add up and when i called him on it (appropriately) his answer was..idk..but at that moment i was like wait…this could all be completely false. that scared me. i hate lying. it may not have been intentional..he could have believed it..but it made me uneasy

then in post conference the other group who was in the inpatient unit (with the like actively ‘crazy’ people who were experiencing crisis)  told us about this 1 guy who had attempted suicide multiple times..and when he explained why i totally understood

the most HORRIFIC story of losing his husband to a senseless hate crime in which he witnessed his brutal murder

and to him it was like it was yesterday when it was really many yrs ago

how do u escape that?

my biggest issue was feeling like these people were trapped in their  minds, bodies, memories, experiences, and even the facility even though there were very few physical barriers. but maybe that made it worse…not having a physical barrier but still knowing you couldn’t go past a certain point

also, in rehab there were a couple young girls. like in their 20s. 1 had a story that pretty much went from perfect like to traumatized life and it made me think..if something nlike that were to happen to me..how would i handle it..would i fall into drugs and alcohol and other unhealthy coping mechanisms??

the whole day made me uneasy

very uneasy

things can change so quickly.

one guy was on medication that pretty much kept him from expressing all emotion so whereas he would normally be bawling his eyes out he could hardly tear up when talking about his kids that his wife had taken from him. he also had pinpoint pupils (cocaine!)